LazerTits in Mormonville

Upon entering the city of Salt Lake, we were fairly impressed by the very aesthetically pleasing location, but little did we know a jaw-dropping experience awaited us.

We arrived in the city with a voracious appetite, and decided on a large italian deli that Frommers guide to Salt Lake City said was definitely worth eating at, and it was. Brett, Zach, and I each had the Caputo sandwich that featured prosciutto, salami, lettuce, provolone, tomato, and oil & balsamic vinegar on both halves of the French bread. CJ delved into one of the larger meatball subs I have ever seen...boy does he love his meatballs.

Seeing as this was the first major city we have been in since Chicago, CJ and I took this opportunity to purchase new sandals (he needs new ones and mine disappeared on the road). Salt Lake City has a very cool shopping center in the heart of the Olympic village area, which is where we found a Pac Sun store that carries the coveted Rainbow sandals. It is here that we met a very special young lady. This particular poster child for hotness was so into us that she invited us to a massive party that she's hosting called LazerTits (see www.lazertits.com for more info). This promises to be the party of the year as it calls for a female revolution that calls for not the burning of bras, but rather the complete disregard for them as a dress code. Unfortunately, we will have returned to Bmore prior to the events date, but if you're interested, I suggest you book your tickets soon as prices will inevitably increase (wink wink parents).

After the brief shopping session, we ventured to the Mormon headquarters set on a rather large portion of land in the center of the city. Seeing as there were two visitor centers (neither of which were more than 100 yards away from each other) we went into the one nearest to our point of entry, the North one. It should also be noted that both featured the same content...

The visitor center had three floors dedicated to the beginning and development of the Mormon religion. Complete with wax sculptures, video reenactments (the historical accuracy of said videos is questionable at best), and an abundance of female guides (always in pairs) ready to answer any and all questions about the Church of Mormon. Some of them were actually really attractive; however, they were reluctant to join my future harem of women were I to join.

The massive church located in the center of the area was quite impressive, especially considering construction began in 1853. Just as we were about to leave Mormonville, church let out. We couldn't help but stare at the multitude of people that were pouring out of the church. What's more is that the vast majority of them were under the age of 30, a testament to the fact that it is the fastest growing religion in the US today. We couldn't help but stare at them dressed in their suits and long skirts...mostly because there was a good deal of hotties in attendance. We quickly noticed that everyone was also staring right back at us, but this was mostly due to the fact that we looked completely disheveled and smelled of campfire (according to the LazerTits girl). So we decided we had seen enough of Salt Lake, and it most likely has seen enough of us.

We are back on the road making our way to Reno, NV for the night. Check back soon as more photos will be posted with the return of high-speed Internet.

-Ben "I love trains" Schultz

Location:Salt Lake City, UT