Where's your Aspen?

With the morning sunshine and the tranquil sounds of industrial Grand Junction, CO we began our trek east towards Aspen and Snowmass early Monday morning. After an all day marathon through the deserts of Arizona and Utah, we were eager to enjoy the crisp mountain air of Colorado.

When we arrived in Snowmass we were greeted by Shawn Clark, who gave us the lay out of the land before sending us into town for some much needed grub. After some great sandwiches from Johnny McGuire's and some outrageous wings we returned home with Shawn to enjoy some rest before our white water rafting adventure in the morning.

But, nay! It was not to be. Unfortunately I was stricken with the great CJ plague of 2010 and subsequently bedridden (and by bedridden I clearly mean cozied up to Shawn's toilet praying to the porcelain gods) with an epic battle between me and my stomach.

Stomach Virus 2, Zach&CJ 0.

In what was no doubt a scene scripted straight from a war movie, my team refused to leave me behind to fight the beast alone and we were forced to cancel our tour (in actuality the boys had slept about as much as I had and were in no shape to take on those rapids- apparently the sweet lullaby of my gastrointestinal system was not enough to rock them to sleep.)

Tuesday was thus a day of rest and relaxation at the Clark's Rosebud Ranch. As was Wednesday for that matter as we dabbled in some light fishing and some hiking.

We need to extend our deepest thanks to Shawn for letting us stay with him at his place and for his incredible hospitality. It was an incredible and we can't thank you enough.

We're on the road again heading to Denver.


- Posted using Jedi Knight powers

Location:Old Snowmass, CO

The Grandest (free) Canyon

Due to the time constraint of needing to be in Aspen by Monday afternoon, we were forced to stop through the Grand Canyon in somewhat of a hurry.

Upon arrival we were stunned to find out that the park was free to enter on this particular day for reasons still unknown to us.

As we exited the vehicle and passed through a wooded area to get out to the Canyon, Ben thought it a good idea to use the box of nerds in his pocket to imitate a rattlesnake sound coming from the brush. A passerby fell for his trickery and alerted her husband to the sound before continuing on their way.

As we exited the brush, there stood the grandest canyon of them all. At first sight we were all in awe, but quickly Ben decided that he must decend the mountain to interupt a couples romantic moment off on a remote rock cliff below.

Once Ben had decended the mountain in nothing but his bare feet, we took some pictures of him with the couple and a Mexican who had also braved the journey down the cliff.

With the 100 degree heat beating down on us, we soon found refuge in a nearby grocery store where we rehydrated and then continued on our journey to a little place called Aspen.

On the way out we noticed herds of star watchers flocking into the Park. Little did we know what an unbelievably clear sky the night would bring.

As we entered Arizona, something began to feel a little weird as we passed through the Indian Reservations. The grounds were littered with abandoned motor homes, old cars, and seemingly endless amounts of rubber tires.

The people there lived in total poverty. No plumbing, no electricity, nothing. Just empty lots littered with the waste of seemingly enldess generations. Were we in America? You wouldn't know by looking out the window.

As the day krept on, we passed through Mexican Hat and some of the most beautiful rock formations Arizona and Utah had to offer.

As night fell, every star in the sky could be seen out the car windows. It was getting late and everyone was getting hungry. After failing to stop at a steakhouse in Bluff, UT we thought we would be doomed to find an open restaurant at 9:30 on a Sunday night. Upon entering Blanding, UT we were greeted by locked doors at the only Subway in town. Just as we reached the end of the town, we found an open restaurant which gladly took us in and served us the worst Caesar salad thus far into the trip.

Finally, we stopped for the night in Grand Junction, CO. Only a short two hour drive to Aspen in the morning.

Bossman out

- Posted using the force of the fistpump

Location:Grand Canyon, AZ

What Happens in Vegas....

Coincidentally all of our traces in Vegas (photos, videos, and money) were lost......Oh well.

Location:Las Vegas, NV

San Diego, Spanish for a Whale's Vagina

That morning we headed to the infamous Grittle to meet Ben's friend Shannon. We indulged in steering wheel sized pancakes and a loaf of french toast before leaving LA

We left early knowing we would have a nice little Wednesday ahead of us. Jiffy Lube, the laundromat, and Home Depot, we wern't sure if we were going to have enough time.

After hours of errands we finally had some fresh oil and semi-fresh underwear, which in hindsite we should have waited to wash after skydiving.

After finally reaching San Diego we quickly checked into our hotel and met up with Schwartz for some sushi and drinks. We decided to call it an early night so we could be sharp and ready to jump out of a plane the next morning.

::buzz:: The morning alarm sounded and Zach's panicing began. After eating a quick begal and releasing our bowels we headed for Pacific Coast Skydiving!!!! Wooooo!!!!!

After literally signing our lives away we met our new best friends Eric and John, our tandem partners. In a surpize move, Ben and Zach opted to jump first (suckers). They strapped on their harnesses and preceeded to enage in the two minute instructional/safety speech from Jon. After doing a years worth of thumbs up and fist bumps for the camera they loaded up into the airplane, which I'm pretty sure was smaller than the car, and headed for the sky. Brett and I caught a ride out to the landing zone and waited. All of a sudden we could hear screams coming from above. First Zach, then a minute later we heard Ben as they both soared through the sky. We then did it all over for Brett and I. Afterwards we waited for our videos. Brett was informed that his camera had malfunctioned and they did not capture any his freefall.

After we left the woman from Pacfic Coast Skydiving called to inform Brett that his super human/deadly accurate fist pound managed to stop the recording......thanks again for the courtesy call lady.

We then headed to Pacfic Beach for some lunch and to relax for a little on the beach. After Schwartz got off work we headed out for some mexican and drinks.

- CJO

Location:San Diego, CA

A Very Trendy Day in LA

After sleeping off the libations from the previous night, we awoke to a brisk, smoggy day in LA. With the guidance of our local friend, Dorie Fader, we took to the traffic-filled streets of LA.

Our first stop was Venice beach. Seeing as it was the day after Memorial day, and it wasn't that nice out, we stopped for a bite to eat on Main street called The Omlette Parlor. The food was so amazing that we all made happy plates. Unfortunately, I made, what at the time seemed like a stroke of genius decision, to order a Bloody Mary to accompany my California Bennedict eggs while sitting outside only to discover the restaurant serves no alcoholic beverages. You can imagine the disappointment.

With full stomachs we walked along the water of Venice beach and got some sun while we could because there was still much more to see.

We drove back to the city to accomplish our more "touristy" stops. When we pulled onto Hollywood blvd, it became immediately apparent that there would be nowhere to park so we did what anyone else would have done...We parked the car illegally in one of the tour bus loading zones, jumped out of the car, took some pictures, (bought my magnet), and got back in just as someone on his high bus told us to move immediately.

After enough traffic for five lifetimes, we went back to the hotel to take advantage of the rooftop pool and jacuzzy while the day was still nice. While up there, we met two very cool Londoners named Jodi and Mikhaela with whom we caught up with later that night for some drinks. However, little did we know they were accompanied by a living legend...

Leonard Herring Jr. has been an esteemed member of society for decades. As a world class athlete in tennis, he has used his popularity for humanitarian efforts all throughout the nation. Thanks Leonard.

A few drinks later and we retired for the night for our drive to San Diego the next day.

Location:Los Angeles, CA

Purple Carpet at Grandma's Cottage

As you can see from the photo below, this is truly a natural phenomenon. Every year these massive beds of icicle plants cover the ground near the beaches of Monterey. We were fortunate enough to happen upon these flowers, known more commonly as "purple carpet". The plants actually grow on top of rocks and sand without any need for common soil and form a coushony bed, which we laid in. It was really something to see.






After a long walk along the beach and through the forests of flowers, we returned to the Sea Breeze Inn where we had managed to get a pretty large cottage. However, the cottage was clearly decorated by an elderly woman with a sense of fashion dating back to centuries ago. The whole place felt like one of those rooms in every house where you can't touch anything and is reserved for a handful of occasions annually. You know the type.

We then went into town for dinner at a place on the Fishermans Wharf. The boardwalk was filled with restaurants, candy shops (with enormous salt water taffy selections), and various forms of entertainment.

The first restaurant that CJ and I looked into, while Brett and Zach parked, was bad from the beginning. First, there was a very attractive girl offering free samples of clam chowder outside of the restaurant who, for some reason, was not interested in having me hit on her so she got us a table pretty quickly. As we sat at the table, which was located in the main entrance to the restaurant (already a bad sign), the hostess handed CJ and I menus.

Before I continue, I should point out that because California is so open and accepting of the homosexual community, they are more prone to seeing two dudes together on dates and stuff. However, when she said, "here are the menus for your partners", I was quick to ask CJ, "WTF did she just say?"

Zach was having a hankering for steamed muscles and clams all day so it didn't help their cause when they informed us that said seafood was no longer in supply for the evening. Needless to say, we were no longer interested in their crappy table, prude soup girl, poor attempt at being a seafood restaurant, and bad-jokes hostess so we left and found a much better restaurant.

After a great meal, we headed over the hills and through the woods to grandma's house.

-Ben "I steal candy from kids" Schultz

Location:Monterey, CA

Richard's Jam Session

After checking out of the hotel we decided to drive around too see what else San Francisco had to offer. We stopped in Chinatown for some delicious MSG-free food. Although the meal was very cheap, we felt scammed because the check was written in Chinese. Unfortunately, Brett could not yet decipher what it all meant so we had to take their word for it.






After leaving Chinatown we headed down to Haight-Ashbury and the Golden Gate Park. There we met Richard, king of the hippies, who started an enormous drum circle that lasted hours. We were fortunate enough to witness him play the drums, cowbell, and pretty much anything he could find that made noise.




We were also entertained by the future Tiger Woods who would try and sink puts from the asphalt sidewalk into a hole he dug in the dirt. After putting he would scream "get in the whole bi^%*. Between puts he would preach and sometimes even sing to the surrounding people. These individuals only represent an iota of the very "unique" people that we came across in the park, but they certainly were some of the more interesting ones. After getting our fill of smelly homeless entertainers we decided to head out towards Santa Clara.

Until next time,
CJ


- Posted using smoke signals from my hot iPhone

Location:San Francisco, CA

Hey buddy, wanna give me some of that candy

Before going to the Giants game we ventured back down into Fisherman's Wharf for dinner where we enjoyed some fried shrimp fish n chips, and some clam chowda in a bread bowl. Delish.



Throughout our meal we got to witness the "bush man," who hid behind a fake bush and would then jump out and scare unknowing pedestrians. We were overcome with joy when Brett happened to be one of those individuals and he without a doubt wet himself.

Our meal at the wharf also featured Brother Jonathan, a young homeless male who was preaching to the other vagabonds (or basically anyone who would listen) about how we are all sinners in the hands of an angry God. While his uplifting speech of fire and brimstone was certainly optimistic, we nonetheless felt it was time to move onward to the Giants game.

As if you all couldn't tell, the subject line of this post is in direct reference to Ben's attempt to steal candy from children while attending the San Francisco Giants game. As one of the smaller children reached into what could only be called a satchel of candy, Ben didn't miss a beat in asking him for a handful, which he managed to finish before the game's end.

We had a great time at the Giants game, if for no other reason than getting to see what has to be one of the nicest nicest stadiums in all of baseball. We were also fortunate to have seen the dominance of Giants righty Matt Cain who tossed a 1-hit gem.

-Davey Crockett

Location:San Francisco Giants game

SF to LA via PC1

Monday we took the scenic route from Monterey to Los Angeles following good old Pacific Coastal highway 1. The drive was pretty difficult at first because we had to drive through more mountains that consisted of hairpin turns every hundred yards or so. But, armed with my car-like reflexes and extrasensory perception, we conquered the mountainous terrain, and, after Zach and CJ used up all of our vomit bags, we made it to some flat coastline...finally.

During our drive, we happened upon another awesome surprise from the animal kingdom. Along the pacific coast was a beach COVERED by elephant seals. There were plenty of tourists arms with cameras that were sure to be in our way, but luckily we got some good shots...

After a few more hours, we made it into LA with time to go to the Dodger game and dine with the stars. Brett's cousin and friend to us all, Dorie Fader, was an excellent hostess during our time in LA. as sonn as we arrived she was ready to take us to the game.

The Dodger game was unlike any we have seen previously. Complete with cantinas, beach balls, and more booing from any hometown fans we've ever heard (the entire crowd even booed when a beach ball fell from the upper to lower decks), it was certainly an experience. I also purchased one of the worst ballpark food items that's ever been conceived by man, garlic French fries. Now, we've all had an experience when too much garlic was upsetting, but these fries boardered on offensively over-seasoned. After maybe one fry each and enough ketchup to drown the intensity of flavor that was the garlic, our breath still smelled like garlic for days.

When the game was over, Dorie took us to a very trendy bar called the Saddle Ranch where we all shared a tower of beer and an ambominal snowman-nation of cotton candy, which to our great surprise was free. We then returned to our palatial room in the LeMontrose hotel.

Location:California