Where's your Aspen?

With the morning sunshine and the tranquil sounds of industrial Grand Junction, CO we began our trek east towards Aspen and Snowmass early Monday morning. After an all day marathon through the deserts of Arizona and Utah, we were eager to enjoy the crisp mountain air of Colorado.

When we arrived in Snowmass we were greeted by Shawn Clark, who gave us the lay out of the land before sending us into town for some much needed grub. After some great sandwiches from Johnny McGuire's and some outrageous wings we returned home with Shawn to enjoy some rest before our white water rafting adventure in the morning.

But, nay! It was not to be. Unfortunately I was stricken with the great CJ plague of 2010 and subsequently bedridden (and by bedridden I clearly mean cozied up to Shawn's toilet praying to the porcelain gods) with an epic battle between me and my stomach.

Stomach Virus 2, Zach&CJ 0.

In what was no doubt a scene scripted straight from a war movie, my team refused to leave me behind to fight the beast alone and we were forced to cancel our tour (in actuality the boys had slept about as much as I had and were in no shape to take on those rapids- apparently the sweet lullaby of my gastrointestinal system was not enough to rock them to sleep.)

Tuesday was thus a day of rest and relaxation at the Clark's Rosebud Ranch. As was Wednesday for that matter as we dabbled in some light fishing and some hiking.

We need to extend our deepest thanks to Shawn for letting us stay with him at his place and for his incredible hospitality. It was an incredible and we can't thank you enough.

We're on the road again heading to Denver.


- Posted using Jedi Knight powers

Location:Old Snowmass, CO

The Grandest (free) Canyon

Due to the time constraint of needing to be in Aspen by Monday afternoon, we were forced to stop through the Grand Canyon in somewhat of a hurry.

Upon arrival we were stunned to find out that the park was free to enter on this particular day for reasons still unknown to us.

As we exited the vehicle and passed through a wooded area to get out to the Canyon, Ben thought it a good idea to use the box of nerds in his pocket to imitate a rattlesnake sound coming from the brush. A passerby fell for his trickery and alerted her husband to the sound before continuing on their way.

As we exited the brush, there stood the grandest canyon of them all. At first sight we were all in awe, but quickly Ben decided that he must decend the mountain to interupt a couples romantic moment off on a remote rock cliff below.

Once Ben had decended the mountain in nothing but his bare feet, we took some pictures of him with the couple and a Mexican who had also braved the journey down the cliff.

With the 100 degree heat beating down on us, we soon found refuge in a nearby grocery store where we rehydrated and then continued on our journey to a little place called Aspen.

On the way out we noticed herds of star watchers flocking into the Park. Little did we know what an unbelievably clear sky the night would bring.

As we entered Arizona, something began to feel a little weird as we passed through the Indian Reservations. The grounds were littered with abandoned motor homes, old cars, and seemingly endless amounts of rubber tires.

The people there lived in total poverty. No plumbing, no electricity, nothing. Just empty lots littered with the waste of seemingly enldess generations. Were we in America? You wouldn't know by looking out the window.

As the day krept on, we passed through Mexican Hat and some of the most beautiful rock formations Arizona and Utah had to offer.

As night fell, every star in the sky could be seen out the car windows. It was getting late and everyone was getting hungry. After failing to stop at a steakhouse in Bluff, UT we thought we would be doomed to find an open restaurant at 9:30 on a Sunday night. Upon entering Blanding, UT we were greeted by locked doors at the only Subway in town. Just as we reached the end of the town, we found an open restaurant which gladly took us in and served us the worst Caesar salad thus far into the trip.

Finally, we stopped for the night in Grand Junction, CO. Only a short two hour drive to Aspen in the morning.

Bossman out

- Posted using the force of the fistpump

Location:Grand Canyon, AZ

What Happens in Vegas....

Coincidentally all of our traces in Vegas (photos, videos, and money) were lost......Oh well.

Location:Las Vegas, NV

San Diego, Spanish for a Whale's Vagina

That morning we headed to the infamous Grittle to meet Ben's friend Shannon. We indulged in steering wheel sized pancakes and a loaf of french toast before leaving LA

We left early knowing we would have a nice little Wednesday ahead of us. Jiffy Lube, the laundromat, and Home Depot, we wern't sure if we were going to have enough time.

After hours of errands we finally had some fresh oil and semi-fresh underwear, which in hindsite we should have waited to wash after skydiving.

After finally reaching San Diego we quickly checked into our hotel and met up with Schwartz for some sushi and drinks. We decided to call it an early night so we could be sharp and ready to jump out of a plane the next morning.

::buzz:: The morning alarm sounded and Zach's panicing began. After eating a quick begal and releasing our bowels we headed for Pacific Coast Skydiving!!!! Wooooo!!!!!

After literally signing our lives away we met our new best friends Eric and John, our tandem partners. In a surpize move, Ben and Zach opted to jump first (suckers). They strapped on their harnesses and preceeded to enage in the two minute instructional/safety speech from Jon. After doing a years worth of thumbs up and fist bumps for the camera they loaded up into the airplane, which I'm pretty sure was smaller than the car, and headed for the sky. Brett and I caught a ride out to the landing zone and waited. All of a sudden we could hear screams coming from above. First Zach, then a minute later we heard Ben as they both soared through the sky. We then did it all over for Brett and I. Afterwards we waited for our videos. Brett was informed that his camera had malfunctioned and they did not capture any his freefall.

After we left the woman from Pacfic Coast Skydiving called to inform Brett that his super human/deadly accurate fist pound managed to stop the recording......thanks again for the courtesy call lady.

We then headed to Pacfic Beach for some lunch and to relax for a little on the beach. After Schwartz got off work we headed out for some mexican and drinks.

- CJO

Location:San Diego, CA

A Very Trendy Day in LA

After sleeping off the libations from the previous night, we awoke to a brisk, smoggy day in LA. With the guidance of our local friend, Dorie Fader, we took to the traffic-filled streets of LA.

Our first stop was Venice beach. Seeing as it was the day after Memorial day, and it wasn't that nice out, we stopped for a bite to eat on Main street called The Omlette Parlor. The food was so amazing that we all made happy plates. Unfortunately, I made, what at the time seemed like a stroke of genius decision, to order a Bloody Mary to accompany my California Bennedict eggs while sitting outside only to discover the restaurant serves no alcoholic beverages. You can imagine the disappointment.

With full stomachs we walked along the water of Venice beach and got some sun while we could because there was still much more to see.

We drove back to the city to accomplish our more "touristy" stops. When we pulled onto Hollywood blvd, it became immediately apparent that there would be nowhere to park so we did what anyone else would have done...We parked the car illegally in one of the tour bus loading zones, jumped out of the car, took some pictures, (bought my magnet), and got back in just as someone on his high bus told us to move immediately.

After enough traffic for five lifetimes, we went back to the hotel to take advantage of the rooftop pool and jacuzzy while the day was still nice. While up there, we met two very cool Londoners named Jodi and Mikhaela with whom we caught up with later that night for some drinks. However, little did we know they were accompanied by a living legend...

Leonard Herring Jr. has been an esteemed member of society for decades. As a world class athlete in tennis, he has used his popularity for humanitarian efforts all throughout the nation. Thanks Leonard.

A few drinks later and we retired for the night for our drive to San Diego the next day.

Location:Los Angeles, CA

Purple Carpet at Grandma's Cottage

As you can see from the photo below, this is truly a natural phenomenon. Every year these massive beds of icicle plants cover the ground near the beaches of Monterey. We were fortunate enough to happen upon these flowers, known more commonly as "purple carpet". The plants actually grow on top of rocks and sand without any need for common soil and form a coushony bed, which we laid in. It was really something to see.






After a long walk along the beach and through the forests of flowers, we returned to the Sea Breeze Inn where we had managed to get a pretty large cottage. However, the cottage was clearly decorated by an elderly woman with a sense of fashion dating back to centuries ago. The whole place felt like one of those rooms in every house where you can't touch anything and is reserved for a handful of occasions annually. You know the type.

We then went into town for dinner at a place on the Fishermans Wharf. The boardwalk was filled with restaurants, candy shops (with enormous salt water taffy selections), and various forms of entertainment.

The first restaurant that CJ and I looked into, while Brett and Zach parked, was bad from the beginning. First, there was a very attractive girl offering free samples of clam chowder outside of the restaurant who, for some reason, was not interested in having me hit on her so she got us a table pretty quickly. As we sat at the table, which was located in the main entrance to the restaurant (already a bad sign), the hostess handed CJ and I menus.

Before I continue, I should point out that because California is so open and accepting of the homosexual community, they are more prone to seeing two dudes together on dates and stuff. However, when she said, "here are the menus for your partners", I was quick to ask CJ, "WTF did she just say?"

Zach was having a hankering for steamed muscles and clams all day so it didn't help their cause when they informed us that said seafood was no longer in supply for the evening. Needless to say, we were no longer interested in their crappy table, prude soup girl, poor attempt at being a seafood restaurant, and bad-jokes hostess so we left and found a much better restaurant.

After a great meal, we headed over the hills and through the woods to grandma's house.

-Ben "I steal candy from kids" Schultz

Location:Monterey, CA

Richard's Jam Session

After checking out of the hotel we decided to drive around too see what else San Francisco had to offer. We stopped in Chinatown for some delicious MSG-free food. Although the meal was very cheap, we felt scammed because the check was written in Chinese. Unfortunately, Brett could not yet decipher what it all meant so we had to take their word for it.






After leaving Chinatown we headed down to Haight-Ashbury and the Golden Gate Park. There we met Richard, king of the hippies, who started an enormous drum circle that lasted hours. We were fortunate enough to witness him play the drums, cowbell, and pretty much anything he could find that made noise.




We were also entertained by the future Tiger Woods who would try and sink puts from the asphalt sidewalk into a hole he dug in the dirt. After putting he would scream "get in the whole bi^%*. Between puts he would preach and sometimes even sing to the surrounding people. These individuals only represent an iota of the very "unique" people that we came across in the park, but they certainly were some of the more interesting ones. After getting our fill of smelly homeless entertainers we decided to head out towards Santa Clara.

Until next time,
CJ


- Posted using smoke signals from my hot iPhone

Location:San Francisco, CA

Hey buddy, wanna give me some of that candy

Before going to the Giants game we ventured back down into Fisherman's Wharf for dinner where we enjoyed some fried shrimp fish n chips, and some clam chowda in a bread bowl. Delish.



Throughout our meal we got to witness the "bush man," who hid behind a fake bush and would then jump out and scare unknowing pedestrians. We were overcome with joy when Brett happened to be one of those individuals and he without a doubt wet himself.

Our meal at the wharf also featured Brother Jonathan, a young homeless male who was preaching to the other vagabonds (or basically anyone who would listen) about how we are all sinners in the hands of an angry God. While his uplifting speech of fire and brimstone was certainly optimistic, we nonetheless felt it was time to move onward to the Giants game.

As if you all couldn't tell, the subject line of this post is in direct reference to Ben's attempt to steal candy from children while attending the San Francisco Giants game. As one of the smaller children reached into what could only be called a satchel of candy, Ben didn't miss a beat in asking him for a handful, which he managed to finish before the game's end.

We had a great time at the Giants game, if for no other reason than getting to see what has to be one of the nicest nicest stadiums in all of baseball. We were also fortunate to have seen the dominance of Giants righty Matt Cain who tossed a 1-hit gem.

-Davey Crockett

Location:San Francisco Giants game

SF to LA via PC1

Monday we took the scenic route from Monterey to Los Angeles following good old Pacific Coastal highway 1. The drive was pretty difficult at first because we had to drive through more mountains that consisted of hairpin turns every hundred yards or so. But, armed with my car-like reflexes and extrasensory perception, we conquered the mountainous terrain, and, after Zach and CJ used up all of our vomit bags, we made it to some flat coastline...finally.

During our drive, we happened upon another awesome surprise from the animal kingdom. Along the pacific coast was a beach COVERED by elephant seals. There were plenty of tourists arms with cameras that were sure to be in our way, but luckily we got some good shots...

After a few more hours, we made it into LA with time to go to the Dodger game and dine with the stars. Brett's cousin and friend to us all, Dorie Fader, was an excellent hostess during our time in LA. as sonn as we arrived she was ready to take us to the game.

The Dodger game was unlike any we have seen previously. Complete with cantinas, beach balls, and more booing from any hometown fans we've ever heard (the entire crowd even booed when a beach ball fell from the upper to lower decks), it was certainly an experience. I also purchased one of the worst ballpark food items that's ever been conceived by man, garlic French fries. Now, we've all had an experience when too much garlic was upsetting, but these fries boardered on offensively over-seasoned. After maybe one fry each and enough ketchup to drown the intensity of flavor that was the garlic, our breath still smelled like garlic for days.

When the game was over, Dorie took us to a very trendy bar called the Saddle Ranch where we all shared a tower of beer and an ambominal snowman-nation of cotton candy, which to our great surprise was free. We then returned to our palatial room in the LeMontrose hotel.

Location:California

Explooooooooratooooooorium

Finally the day we had been waiting for all week arrived. Our journey to a magical land where we could explore endless exibits to enhance our knowledge, while at a price next to nothing (and free parking). Frommers referred to it as the best science museum in the world. Needless to say, Ben was like a prepubescent kid in a candy store





What Frommers failed to mention were the 1,000's of inconsiderate little brats that made sure to ruin any exibits you were using or thinking about using. And with those thousands of brats come millions of germs. And with those millions of germs comes Zach leaving the Purell in the car. After trying to see as much as we could for three hours we decided it would be best for our health to leave.

Tonight we are headed for the Giants baseball game.


- Posted using BlogPress from my CB Radio

Location:San Francisco, CA

Can't Hold Me Warden

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Thursday morning we woke up to what we all thought was just a nightmare...rain, yes rain. Our previous dealings with the tent had proven quite successful, all of which were necessary to prepare us for this. After a brief discussion regarding the strategery for how to go about deconstructing the tent, we took to it in a monsoon-like drizzle. After what seemed like minutes, we had the car packed up and were on our way to San Francisco.

Arriving in our hotel, we were eager to clense our grizzly bodies in the first shower in over 48 hours.

With a pair of fresh attitudes and underwear, we hit the streets of Fisherman's Wharf. Our first stop was a quick bite to eat at Fisherman's Pizzeria then a quick walk about town.

Down by the fish markets, we stumbled upon a real gem...the Museè Mechanique, a warehouse on the pier that holds over 200 various coin operated machines. This place was really weird. Ranging from modern arcade games to turn of the century "peep" shows and scenes made entirely out of toothpicks, it was certainly a very unique experience. After CJ had spent enough money for the four of us, we decided it was time to leave, and quickly.

We walked along the bayside piers until we got to Pier 33, which is where our ferry to Alcatraz would leave from.

Upon landing on Alcatraz island, Zach "The Birdman" Schultz went into full prison mode. Shuffling down the blocks with his hands "bound", The Birdman called out classics prison lines in a 1940's gangster accent in an attempt to make contact with the spirits that may or may not still haunt the island to this day. See video.

We even got to see where Clint Eastwood made his famous escape from the island...nice work, Clint.



After enough paranormal contact that would make John Edwards wet himself, we boarded the boat back to mainland.

Once ashore, we walked back to Fisherman's Wharf and got some of the awesome fresh seafood right on the street. Unfortunately, it was so good that we ate it before we could take a picture so we'll be sure to get one tonight when we go for more.

- Posted using the Force from my i'Mabeastphone

Location:San Francisco, CA

They're not called barrels...

When we woke up in Sleepy Hollow we realized that we had thankfully remained unviolated and that we had not in fact become Pat's "next victim." We then packed up and prepared to head out, determined to have a much improved day.

On a (quite intentionally) open stomach, we descended into Napa Valley on our way to the Robert Mondavi winery. It was pretty cool passing all the different labels that we have known and loved for so long.

We finally arrived at the vineyard and were eager to begin our tour (mostly because we were just so ready to drink.) After an impressive tour under the tutelage of our tour guide John, we were given three different wines to taste, including a Chardonnay, Merlot, and a Cab before John surprised us with a dessert wine. Following our tour John liked us so much that he took us for a free tasting of Pinot Noir- thank you John, you are a scholar and a gentleman.



It was a great afternoon and we met some interesting people, including a nice Spanish-speaking family, who Ben of course had been eavesdropping on for almost an hour. It was a perfect afternoon excursion, especially because we got to drink in the middle of the afternoon.

We had lunch at a cool little restaurant called Boonfly Cafe, where we enjoyed Kobe burgers, salad, and the best frickin donuts we have ever had. If you're ever in the area, we highly recommend this place as a must stop. Special shout out to Elisa and the staff there- lunch was amazing.

We then headed out and set up camp early, ready to hit San Fran.

-Davey Crockett
- Posted using Severely chiseled features that allowed me to use this iPad.

Location:Napa, CA

That's a huge Redwood

Nothing good came out of Tuesday.

Although we were refreshed from a great night in Lake Tahoe, Tuesday turned out to be a rainy depressing drive through the mountains in search of Redwoods. Once we finally found some of the trees that Ben had been hoping to find for hours, we arrived in the depressing city known as Fort Bragg, CA

As soon as we arrived at the Caspar Beach campground, we were greeted by the he/she know only to us as "pat" (we have know idea what its name really is, we simply called it pat). Pat called us up to the register with a friendly "next victim please"- not comfortable being that we were in the middle of nowhere with no cellphone service and dealing with this behemoth of a he/she. As we stepped up to the counter we were unsure what exactly we were dealing with. The hands looked so manly, yet the wig and dangling earring made us think female. I guess we may never know.

After checking in, we left the campground immediately as we wanted to spend as little time possible there. As we attempted to venture in to Mendocino to grab a bite to eat, we were suddenly stopped in the road by a fallen tree. Clearly the response teams were used to this type of thing. No more than 15 minutes after the tree fell was it cut up and traffic open to both lanes again. Good work Mendocino County Response Teams.

After arriving in Mendocino, we were instantly disappointed. It was even smaller than the previous crap town of Fort Bragg, but at least a little more quaint. We arrived to closed restaurants and inns. The people we encountered kept recommending "the brewery" in Fort Bragg, so we had no choice but to turn around and head back.

Upon reaching the brewery we were all starving, we rushed in and sat down not even looking at the menu. As we walked in, I saw a delicious plate of tacos pass me by and I immediately knew how I was going to satisfy my hunger. Once we sat down we glanced at the menu only to find extremely high prices. I was disappointed but thought that the tacos would surely be worth the high price tag in the end.

But wait, I didn't see any tacos on the menu. After we ordered beers, I inquired about the tacos, only to find that it was $1 taco night and they were only available if you sit in the bar. A final seal on what was already a bad day.

As we headed back to camp, hoping that the he/she had gone to sleep and would not attack us late in the night, we passed out early and vowed to have a better Wednesday.

Location:Fort Bragg, CA (aka Crap Town, USA)

Lake Ta(she's a nice lady)

We all woke up the next morning and checked to make sure we had all of our teeth, no wedding rings, nor a small child in the closet. Much to our surprise, Ben was not back down at the craps table mingling with the 60 year old bunny waitresses.

After being dragged to three different gas stations for Ben to find a magnet of Reno (which he never got) we hit the road for a short drive to the beautiful Lake Tahoe.

According to our AAA camp books most of the camp sites opened mid May, however upon our arrival to the closed park gates we quickly learned that was not entirely true. We arrived smack-dab between Lake Tahoe's two seasons (very cold and very hot) It was too cold to fish or boat, but not cold enough to ski. The town was empty and all of the stores shut down.

From one lodge and campground to the next, we were completely shut out. It certainly seemed as though Tahoe was doing everything in its power to deny our wolf-pack the ability to enjoy the sweet fruits of this resort community.

In the eleventh hour, the Schultz parents extended one of the greatest acts of benevolence man has ever seen. Their decision to allow us to stay in one of their exquisite ER properties made France's gift of "Lady Liberty" look like child's play. We will never be able to fully express our gratitude to the Schultz's, but we were sure to use the home to its fullest capabilities- trust us.

After being given a tour of the property we quickly changed into our bathing suits and robes so we could throw all of our dirty clothes in the washer for a heavy duty cleaning. Then came the toughest decision of the entire trip. Should we eat before the hot tub or after??? Ben then reminded us that we would have to wait 30 minutes after eating to avoid any cramps in the water. After soaking our worn gambling hands we started to prepare dinner. As the steaks were being seasoned and seared, sous chefs Brett and Zach prepared the side items. Brett prepped the macaroni as Zach sauteed some onions, mushrooms, and asparagus. Ben set the table then sat and watched the men hard at work. After dinner we cleaned up and enjoyed some s'mores by the outdoor fire pit. Eager to explore the trees of California we called it an early night

The next morning we had a hearty breakfast consisting of steak, eggs, and hash browns. Once again Ben was an inactive participant and was no where to be found until the table was set. We then packed up the car and headed for the Redwoods!


-CJO with the assistance of General Butt-naked, Zach



- Posted using BlogPress from my very $$$$$ iPhone

Location:Lake Tahoe, CA

The Biggest Little City in the World

Let me make it very clear, Nevada has nothing to offer the world except two things: Las Vegas and Reno.

As we drove through the monotonous terrain that is Nevada, we began to make the bend into the one city that all of us believed we would never truly see in our lifetime, Reno. We couldn't help but laugh at how unbelievably crappy the city looked from the road. It reminded us all of one thing, Ocean City with casinos.

As we arrived at our hotel called the Atlantis, we became enveloped with disappointment as we realized this Atlantis was not modeled after the one in the Bahamas. There was no water slide, no underwater themed activities, and really nothing whatsoever to do with the lost city known as Atlantis.









As we entered the hotel, one thing became evident immediately. We were the best looking and youngest gentlemen in the hotel. In fact, few people within even 5-10 years of our age could be found who didn't work at the hotel.

Once we moved up to our hotel room, we were comforted to see that our room was newly remodeled and featured an array of amenities. Ben was happy I didn't choose to put us in the motor lodge around the back of the hotel.

After an unsuccessful shotgun attempt by Ben, the four of us made moves down the the Purple Parrot for dinner. We were greeted at our table by a young man named Deshaun, who proceeded to tell us his entire life story unprovoked. From the slums of Atlanta, he moved out to Reno to live with his grandma. He now believes that Reno is an amazing city, with so much to offer. Deshaun, you have a lot to learn my friend.









After eating dinner, we hit the craps table to begin practicing for our trip to Vegas in a few weeks. After Ben and I lost about $30, it was time for CJ to roll. Naturally, his gambling luck began to shine and he won Ben and I our losses back. His uncanny ability to succeed in all things gambling continues to amaze me. Meanwhile, Zach had no luck at all on the table, and proceeded to drink away his sorrows.

While at the tables, the pit boss insisted we all get players cards because of our obvious VIP status. With a new players card comes an opportunity to win some $$

As I swiped my players card through the machine, hoping to see winnings of a 6-digit number flash across the screen, I was forced to accept a simple $20 slot credit and move on.

Knowing I would never be back in Reno ever again, I decided to play out my $20 credit on a slot machine called Kitty Glitter. On my fourth spin, I hit the bonus and won $50 in cold cash, off a $.01 slot. Despite receiving criticism from the guys for playing a slot machine called Kitty Glitter, I left Reno up more than any of them.

As we made our way out of the casino and off to bed, we decided that even though we never made it down to the "strip" in Reno, we had seen enough. No need to ever go back as far as we are concerned.

Until next time,
Bossmam out

Location:Reno, NV

LazerTits in Mormonville

Upon entering the city of Salt Lake, we were fairly impressed by the very aesthetically pleasing location, but little did we know a jaw-dropping experience awaited us.

We arrived in the city with a voracious appetite, and decided on a large italian deli that Frommers guide to Salt Lake City said was definitely worth eating at, and it was. Brett, Zach, and I each had the Caputo sandwich that featured prosciutto, salami, lettuce, provolone, tomato, and oil & balsamic vinegar on both halves of the French bread. CJ delved into one of the larger meatball subs I have ever seen...boy does he love his meatballs.

Seeing as this was the first major city we have been in since Chicago, CJ and I took this opportunity to purchase new sandals (he needs new ones and mine disappeared on the road). Salt Lake City has a very cool shopping center in the heart of the Olympic village area, which is where we found a Pac Sun store that carries the coveted Rainbow sandals. It is here that we met a very special young lady. This particular poster child for hotness was so into us that she invited us to a massive party that she's hosting called LazerTits (see www.lazertits.com for more info). This promises to be the party of the year as it calls for a female revolution that calls for not the burning of bras, but rather the complete disregard for them as a dress code. Unfortunately, we will have returned to Bmore prior to the events date, but if you're interested, I suggest you book your tickets soon as prices will inevitably increase (wink wink parents).

After the brief shopping session, we ventured to the Mormon headquarters set on a rather large portion of land in the center of the city. Seeing as there were two visitor centers (neither of which were more than 100 yards away from each other) we went into the one nearest to our point of entry, the North one. It should also be noted that both featured the same content...

The visitor center had three floors dedicated to the beginning and development of the Mormon religion. Complete with wax sculptures, video reenactments (the historical accuracy of said videos is questionable at best), and an abundance of female guides (always in pairs) ready to answer any and all questions about the Church of Mormon. Some of them were actually really attractive; however, they were reluctant to join my future harem of women were I to join.

The massive church located in the center of the area was quite impressive, especially considering construction began in 1853. Just as we were about to leave Mormonville, church let out. We couldn't help but stare at the multitude of people that were pouring out of the church. What's more is that the vast majority of them were under the age of 30, a testament to the fact that it is the fastest growing religion in the US today. We couldn't help but stare at them dressed in their suits and long skirts...mostly because there was a good deal of hotties in attendance. We quickly noticed that everyone was also staring right back at us, but this was mostly due to the fact that we looked completely disheveled and smelled of campfire (according to the LazerTits girl). So we decided we had seen enough of Salt Lake, and it most likely has seen enough of us.

We are back on the road making our way to Reno, NV for the night. Check back soon as more photos will be posted with the return of high-speed Internet.

-Ben "I love trains" Schultz

Location:Salt Lake City, UT

Rocky Mountain Burgers

As we drive through the void that is Nevada, we harken back to yesterday's drive from Yellowstone to Jackson Hole, WY that was full of large wildlife and magnificent scenery.

Once again, we were forced to brave the cold, and damn was it cold last night, in another of KOA's finest "cabins" that overlooked the Snake River. In a crucial eleventh hour maneuver, "Davy Crockett" and Brett "Jim Bowie" mustered their inner beast and ventured back into town go procure some much needed firewood and S'mores.

Once again, Chef "hold on, I gotta call Michele" CJ prepared another delectable man-meal consisting of mammoth-sized bison burgers and beans. After that, we prepared the S'mores over the camp fire and turned in to get some needed rest before our drive to Reno.

-BS

Location:Jackson Hole, WY

Heat Seaters & Cab Loggins: A BBCZ Guide to Yellowstone

Zach "The Davey Crockett of the Mountain West" here.

So the good news is Ben just took another picture of rocks with trees- we trust you will enjoy all 546,722,198,214 of them once they are loaded.

Yellowstone was honestly one of the most beautiful places any of us have ever seen- although we're pretty sure the rangers there know absolutely nothing about the park, especially Ranger Emily. Thanks for nothing (except for adding to our collection of free Wyoming map we suppose it was too much to ask for just a simple map of Yellowstone.)

Upon entering Yellowstone we were immediately buried in the winter storm that had been called for every day for the last week. With Benny "I love nature" Schultz at the helm, we all geared up in our 4 layers of clothing, unquestionably prepared to bitch-slap whatever mother nature could throw at us in our man-chariot.

We were briefly thrown off guard when we saw the sign that said "Beware of Avalanches: No Stopping Next 21 Miles." Not 3 feet after that sign and in the middle of a snow storm Ben stopped in the middle of the road to...wait for it...take a picture of rocks and trees.

As we passed through majestic Yellowstone, we were captivated by the endless miles of frozen lakes, snowy mountaintops, and buffalo dooty. At one point we had pulled over for a group shot when I noticed what appeared to be a moving rock...but, wait...Behold, our first wild buffalo (as opposed to the "hundreds" of them at the Buffalo ranch in SD.) We watched this one buffalo for about 20 minutes thinking this would be our one chance encounter with wildlife, not realizing that we would come to pass dozens more throughout the day--silly us!

We eventually made it to the geyser park to visit Old Faithful, only to just miss the eruption due to CJ not being able to control his bladder much like a kindergarten schoolgirl. However, the extra time did allow us to enjoy some bison chili in rocking chairs overlooking the park during a break in the storm. Eventually, the eruption we had all been waiting for came (that's what she....never mind.) While initially pretty cool, it was, in general, fairly anti-climatic- trust us when we say a Youtube video of it will suffice for your Old Faithful experience.

Overall, great day in Yellowstone. Miss you all oodles!


- Posted using BlogPress from my King of the Wild Frontier iPad

Location:Yellowstone & Teton, WY

Administrative Update

You may now feel free to leave comments regardless of whether or not you have subscribed to the blog. Thank you to those of you who have registered and continue to follow and leave comments. Keep 'em coming.

Love,

BBCZ

P.S. The baren landscape of Utah has convinced us that polygamy makes a whole lotta sense...

The Great Indoors: Cabin 1

After an impressive drive through the Buffalo Hills National Forrest and into the great plains of Wyoming, a ride which took us through some truly Americana towns (such as Emblem, WY, pop: 10), we arrived in Cody, WY for our second night in the great outdoors.

Unfortunately, the nights weather conditions were to be so severe that we had no choice but to take refuge in one of the palatial cabins of the Cody KOA. Like our forefathers before us, we procured some of Wyoming's finest steaks at the local Albertson's. Side note: this is also the location of Tully's Coffee...what's up Tully.




Returning to Cabin 1, Chef CJ prepared our cowboy-size steaks on the grill while the rest of us arranged the Fung Shway (let's be honest, none of us know how to spell that) of our residence. Needless to say, we created a masterpiece of interior design as the photo below demonstrates.





This moderately sized room challenged our, at this point, second-nature survival capabilities. Complete with electrical outlets and a heater, we braved the fierce storms of the Wyoming plains.

An excited call from outside, and the steaks were ready. Lacking the appropriate cutlery for such a meal, we put on our man hands and ate the tender meat straight from the bone...delicious. With full stomachs and a yearning for the mornings adventures through Yellowstone we began a titanic battle of strategy with our new ongoing game of spades.

-BDS

- Posted using BlogPress from CJ's iPad.

Location:Cody, WY

Lincoln, Jefferson, Bears, Oh My!

Here's a question South Dakota, if we were to get off at 218th Ave in the middle of nowhere, how could we find 1st through 217th Ave?

After a long rainy night, we awoke this morning to take in the beautiful scenery of the Rafter J campground that we were unable to see during our late night drive in. We then showered (where CJ may or may not have contracted staph) and repacked the car for what seemed like the 200th time. We then hit the road to head to Mt. Rushmore.

Upon arriving we found out we had to pay $10 just to be able to park and snap a picture. After a small flanking maneuver around the mountain we realized there was no way to beat the system.

You win Black Hills National Forest.

As we parked and got closer to the memorial, we noticed that Jefferson seemed to have a couple boogers hanging out of his nostrils. Once we pulled out the binoculars, we realized these boogers were actually just workers trimming his nose hairs.

We snapped a few pictures, and proceeded into the gift shop to look around. Inside we found Nick Clifford, one of the original carvers of Mt. Rushmore who probably should be considered a monument himself. He still seemed tired from chiseling away at Lincoln's toupee and wanted nothing to do with any of us. Our sweet talk and irresistible looks finally landed us a picture, but he didn't seem happy about it.

After about 5-10 minutes in the gift shop we walked out to find that a dense fog had moved in and completely covered the mountain. No more view of Mt. Rushmore at all. Good thing we didn't arrive 15 minutes later.

Next we decided to grab a bite to eat at Peggy's Place which advertised a nice home cooked meal. After consuming enough calories to send us all into a food coma, it was time to continue on to Bear Country USA.







Bear Country USA is essentially a modern day Jurassic Park. Bears, wolves, elk, reindeer, goats, peacocks, lynx, and much more. You drive through this park while the bears surround your car and prevent you from moving anywhere. Once they realized Zach was not a very tasty lunch, they allowed us to proceed.



Now we are off to Yellowstone. Surrounded by beautiful mountains and rolling hills as far as the eye can see, the trip has proven to be a picturesque one so far.

We apologize for not being able to update with more pictures, but cell phone service has proven scarce at best in this part of the country. Apparently people here have no interest in being connected to anyone but their neighbor. IWe will do our best to get all our pictures up as soon as possible.

Bossman out

Location:Somewhere with no cell service

Camp Tardikaka

After a long day of driving through the windmill farms of Minnesota and the badlands of South Dakota we finally arrived at camp Rafter J. Lightning lit up the night sky as we rushed to assemble the tent. Our practice in the Schultz's backyard paid off as we just managed to beat the rain.

The synergistic fusion of our iron-willed hearts and pure rugged manliness was on full display with our air mattresses, battery operated lantern, and three iPhones. Nonetheless, our survival instincts allowed us to brave the great thunderstorm of the Black Hills and make it to morning.

However, Brett wept like a 3 year-old girl throughout the duration of the storm due to lightning that miraculously deflated his air mattress forcing him to share his body heat with the cold ground. His Target sleeping bag provided minimal relief from natures best efforts to thwart his sleep.

After a round of ghost stories, we turned off the lantern and fell asleep to the rolling thunder and rain of the Black Hill mountains.

Location:Iron Mountain Rd,Keystone,United States

Wall Drug

Good day- Zach "the danger zone" Schultz here again. Yesterday we made a grueling 15 hr push through Wisconsin and southern Minnesota before finally making it into scenic South Dakota. From the "live buffalo herd" to the random "sculpture park" to the world's ONLY corn palace, there was no shortage of highway entertainment in good ol' SD.

All along the way we were astonished to see the hundreds of billboards advertising something called "Wall Drug" (we're still unsure if it is a town or a rest stop, but regardless it was weird).

While we were certainly tempted to stop at a place with a replica dinosaur and some kind of creepy rodeo, we nonetheless continued our push into the badlands before finally reaching our camping destination just outside of Rushmore.

We will have minimal Internet capabilities in the coming days so "bear" with us as we travel through the open wilderness.

Maverick out.

Location:Everywhere, SD

There's Hundreds of 'em Out There

So we just entered South Dakota and almost immediately there were huge billboards for a real cowboy ranch with a huge herd of buffalo. The place was nothing short of a ghost town with a store/gas pump that you pull up to. The inside of this place was very creepy. It was half a fireworks store and half a gift store with manicans set up to recreate cowboy life complete with a saloon and a leather maker. When I asked the store clerk about the herd of buffal that was advertised, he said "yeah there's hundreds of them out back just roaming around"...but as the video will show, there were none to be found.

Yeah yeah, she's totally on board...

Well hello! So we had a great last night in Chicago, thanks once again to Jessie who continued her tradition of being a living-breathing saint. We can't thank her enough for all she did for us during our stay. Her hosting skills would make Martha Stewart cry.

Before meeting Jessie for drinks we enjoyed a chance encounter with the famous Ilana "The Real Situation" Smith, who, despite a Herculean effort, was unable to abandon her work to join our road trip. However, the time we spent with this legend was an awesome surprise.

After the bar we ordered some famous Pizzeria Due deep-dish for some late night dinner back at the hotel. (PS: if you ever stay at a Holiday Inn Express, do not, repeat, DO NOT eat the cheese omelet from the complimentary breakfast)

After Ben had a 10 minute conversation with the concierge, we decided to make a 9th inning maneuver to reposition our car in front of our hotel to expedite the process of leaving. Needless to say, we certainly encountered some of Chicago's finest on the 2am subway. Ben went for full immersion into the late night culture of the "L" as he insisted on rockin' out a mesh pinnie. He fit right In with the best of the red line.

Anyway, on the open roads in the great Midwest. Blog ya later!!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:N Deere Park Dr E,Highland Park,United States

A Blink of Kindness

Upon hitting the road again this morning, it became apparent that our left blinker needed a new bulb. After a quick search on google maps, we found the Hesser Toyota Service center located right off of I-90 in the middle of Bumblefuck, Wisconsin. The service attendants were so impressed by our adventure that they replaced the bulb ($20) for free. So if you're ever traveling through Wisconsin and are in need of a great Toyota Service Center with awesomely nice people, look no further than the Hesser Sercive Center.

Location:Humes Rd,Janesville,United States

Tonights LVP

We are currently sitting in the bar called distinct on ontario street. Ben just spilled a glass of water all over our guests. Congrats Ben, you are tonights LVP


For the record...it was nothing in comparison to Brett's epic fails last night, which may win him LVP of Chicago.

Location:W Ontario St,Chicago,United States

Thank You Chicago

Wow, what a beautiful city.  One of the most common things that has been said amongst the four of us over the past two days is how impressed we have been with Chicago.  With beautiful views of Lake Michigan, clean streets, and an easy to navigate public transit system, Chicago beats out New York in all of our minds.

The people of Chicago have been very friendly, giving us discounts and pointers along the way.  People seem to be very receptive to the whole road trip idea, and it has sparked some great conversations only two days in.

Although we were unable to see some of the sites we had on our list, our time in Chicago has been wonderful.   Thanks again to the Glabman family for hosting us in Highland Park on Monday night.

Finally, a special thanks to Jessie Deisinger for saving us $80 over the past two days by providing us with free parking as well as great advice on things to do and see.  Her directions and guidance has been much appreciated.

We are off to Mt. Rushmore tomorrow and have a long 14 hour drive in front of us.  Waking up nice and early tomorrow to get on the road.

Keep the comments flowing

New Links Section

Hey everyone, I just wanted to point out the new links section on the right hand side of the page.  Clicking these links is the best way to see all of the photos and videos we upload throughout the day.  Please continue commenting, we love to hear from you.

Ode to the Chicago Hot Dog

Here it is, after a long day of museum walking, we have finally found
the Chicago dog. A holy matrimony of Vienna beef, mustard, relish, sport peppers, tomato,pickle, onion and celery salt all on a poppy seed bun.

CJ chose to go with the Dallas dog which has Chili, onion and shredded
cheese

Thank you Americas Dog

 
P.S. CJ just got shit on by a bird

Great Science!

Ahoy hoy - CJ here, we just finished touring around the great Chicago 'useum of Science and Industry. We started off with a little F-4 Phantom flight simulation. Brett and I (Iceman and Slider) took the flight first. We managed to shoot down four of the Migs. After we cleared out the sky, Ben and Zach (Goose and Maverick) chased down the rest of the fleeing enemy and destroyed five more.

Afterwards we all ventured down into the deep Chicago coal mine to learn about Americas favorite fossil fuel. Our canary quickly died so we decided it would be best to leave.

We are now, for the fourth time in two days, stuck in the wonderful Chicago rush hour. It has been a georgous day so we are gonna go grab a dog down on the pier of Lake Michigan.

Location:Museum of Science & Industry

A dedicated traveler

Hello all-Zach here, we just wanted to give a special shout out to Mikindra for joining us in Chicago last night. She drove about 4 hours from legendary Martinsville, Indiana to join us.

Friends and family have no fear- we collectively
dominated Wrigleyville last night. The Cubs game was as awesome as imagined despite Brett's insistence on securing LVP for the night by spilling not one, but TWO of Wrigley's $6.75 collegiate beverages.

Picture perfect day in Chi-town today- Lake Michigan looks like the Caribbean.

Great Science! We have arrived at the science and industry museum so I must go, but another shout out needs to go to my eternal roomate- Tully, we will see you in Vegas.

Location:S Harper Ave,Chicago,United States

Wrigleyville

As our L-train pulled into Addison station, the fans' love of the team could not be called into question due to the overwhelming amount of cubs gear, flags and bars covered in Cubs regalia. After walking around the famous perimeter of Wrigley Field, known by locals as Wrigleyville, we stumbled upon the bar Red Ivy. We are in the process of getting a little rowdy- although it would be easier if the bouncer hadn't discriminated against Ben, Zach and CJ for being awesome. Meanwhile, he pitied Brett so much so that he had no choice but to give him a free drink ticket.

We're pumped for the game so be sure to check back later for some possibly entertaining (inebriated) posts.

Location:Wrigleyville, Chicago, Illinois

A day in North Chicago

This morning after having a wonderful breakfast cooked by Mrs. Glabman, we took a hike down to Lake Michigan which lies just off the Glabman property. After, we ventured off to see the area. We stopped at Target to pick up a pump for the air mattresses (we left ours at home) and then drove around Highland Park to see the beautiful homes, town, and possibly future street of Lebron James' residence. Alex then took us to Buffalo Joes for some of the best wings in town.

After lunch we began our journey into downtown Chicago. Navigating the streets has proven to be quite hard, nevertheless we wound up right infront of our hotel with a meter spot conveniently waiting for us upon our arrival. It's off to the Cubs game tonight. Time to throw some back and enjoy all the windy city has to offer.

We would love to hear from everyone. Please post in the comment section and subscribe so you can stay up to date.

Bossman out

Location:N Clark St,Chicago,United States

Special thanks to the Glabman Family

We just want to make a small post to thank the Glabman family. We can not tell you how much we appreciate your hospitality during our time in North Chicago. The home cooked breakfast, town tours, and hot showers were much appreciated. Thanks again for showing us a great time during our brief stay in Highland Park.

Location:Maple Ave,Evanston,United States

Day of learning

Yesterday, after a solid drive by Zach into Cleveland, we made a quick stop at Al's Deli for lunch where we gave Sammy the cashier (clearly Al's daughter) the eye, which in turn caused Al to give us the evil eye before we left and headed over to the rock and roll hall of fame.

If you have never been to Cleveland here is some advice, don't go. With the exception of the R&R Hall of Fame and Lebron James, Cleveland has nothing to offer the world. Unless you are interested in solitude avoid Cleveland at all costs.

We have yet to see Greenman, but hear that he is in Chicago, waiting to make an appearance. Last night we stayed in the suburbs of Chicago with the Glabman family. Their hospitality has been much appreciated.

Here are some of the vital lessons we learned during our first day on the road:

1. Always look for cheaper parking, chances are it lies right around the corner

2. Always ask for student discounts

3. Pack in a manner so that all necessary clothing is easily accessible. This will help minimize unpacking and changing in public parking garages

4. Only buy 1 copy of the souvenir photos, we can always photocopy later for a fraction of the price

5. Always be prepared to take pictures of hot toll booth attendants. They are a rarity, but certainly exist

Thanks again to the Glabman family for hosting us! Until next time.

Bossman out

Location:N Deere Park Dr E,Highland Park,United States

Off to a slow start

The morning we have all been waiting for is finally upon us. Thanks to rain in Sandusky, OH we will be unable to make our first scheduled stop in Cedar Point. Instead, we are off to Chicago, slowly but surely.

Zach is in the command seat first, while Ben's backpack rides shotgun. We have already had to make a small detour down I-795 because of forgotten essentials (GPS, radar detector, etc)

We look forward to the exciting journey in front of us. Please be sure to subscribe to our blog so you can get notified as we update. We will do our best to post as many pictures and videos as we can throughout our trip. Until next time.

Bossman out

Location:Baltimore Beltway,2,United States